“Do I make you horny, baby? Do I?” By now, who on this planet hasn’t heard those now-immortal words uttered by Mike Myers’ alter ego, Austin Powers?

Does he make you horny, baby? Does he?

In fact, those words were the center of a much-publicized scandal in the world of kids’ toys recently. In its infinite wisdom, a major toy manufacturer shipped talking Austin Powers dolls that utter Powers’ famous phrase to a major discount toy store in Atlanta. One mother shopping there with her 11-year-old son found the boy being entertained by Powers’ adult humor. Needless to say, she was less than thrilled about it and, after she complained loudly through the media, the dolls were quickly pulled from retail toy shelves throughout the country.

Me and Austin in my
Shagadelic inflatable armchair

When I decided to write this column about movie/toy tie-ins, I went in search of the offending doll. I called major chains like Toys ‘R’ Us, Wal-Mart, Target, KB Toys and many independent stores, and was told they were nowhere to be found. Is this doll the next Cabbage Patch doll? You can be sure that on Auction Universe or eBay, some of these dolls will be bid up to a premium! Shagadelic, baby!

I’ve had an opportunity to see what goes on with kids and movie toy tie-ins through my involvement with Billy, Blake and Jordan Miller, my three favorite boys. These guys know everything that goes on with toys, and I’ve seen their Star Wars action figures and a host of other toy characters derived from various films. In fact Star Wars toys are everywhere. Go to McDonald’s and you get a free toy with a Kid’s Meal. Visit KFC and you can enter to win a Star Wars Hovercraft. At Taco Bell? More Star Wars. So if the moviemakers can’t get you to buy their toys at a store, they’ll give you a version for free at a fast food joint. Brilliant marketing!

Original “Star Wars” action figures from 1977 Top    Bottom

What impresses me most about these movie toys is how far they’ve come over the years. I was fortunate enough to borrow an original set of Star Wars action figures from a friend whose kids collected all of them back in 1977. Untouched for all these years, they are in mint condition. But something was different about them. Compared to today’s toys, they are quite plain. They don’t talk, their movements are limited, and, well, there’s not much sizzle. I’m sure they have great monetary value, though.

I decided to show them to the Miller gang. I thought they’d be bored with them and not show much interest. But, when I opened the box to display the pieces, the boys were almost reverent in their reaction. They knew the toys were valuable, and gazed into the box with wide eyes. I was wrong. The toys are classics, and their lack of sophistication and sizzle didn’t make them any less special to Billy, Blake and Jordan. Not one bit.

Me and the Miller boys (Billy, Blake and Jordan)
in their “Star Wars” PJs.

While I was searching for the notorious Austin Powers doll, I picked up a few other Powers toys. First there was a bobbing-head Austin. The packaging sold this doll. Very psychedelic and bright. It has an exaggerated head and is irresistible to anyone who has seen the film. Not only that, he looks just like Mike Myers!

I also found an action figure of Powers’ nemesis, Dr. Evil. This doll looks so much like the real character it’s scary! Every detail is included, right down to his scars, his cat and a stack of money. The doll even comes with a stand that employs microchip technology to utter the good doctor’s famous quote, “One Million Dollars!”

My favorite doll, of course, is the Powers action figure. Again, this doll is so realistic that it looks like a shrunken Mike Myers. I would love to have seen the actor’s reaction when it was first shown to him. The resemblance is uncanny. It even comes with an extra hand! There’s a plain hand attached to the doll in the package, and an extra hand holding a gun, which can be inserted into Austin’s wrist at will.

Original “Star Wars” action figures were crude by today’s standards.

Is this, perhaps, a toy maker being sensitive to the anti-gun lobby? If you don’t like your kids playing with toy guns, just toss this extra hand in the trash! Wow, not only have toy manufacturers gone high-tech, they’re politically savvy, too. Except for the “Do I make you horny” doll, that is. Oh well, they’re trying.

It seems that today’s moviemakers start developing toys when they start developing a film. And there’s such big money in these tie-ins that many stars gamble by taking less cash up front in exchange for a piece of the merchandising action. That’s precisely what Myers did in the current Austin Powers movie. Based on what I’ve seen, it appears he made a very wise decision. And I’m happy for him. He’s brilliant in The Spy Who Shagged Me.

Fast food movie collectibles

All filmmakers need to do now is come up with a film concept that will appeal to kids, then develop characters who will translate into great-looking toys. The plot is almost secondary. There – I’ve given some Hollywood multi-billion dollar advice. Like Myers, I’ll work off the back end. In exchange for my wisdom, all you movie producers need to do is send my residual checks in care of Pop Culture Collecting. Think of it! No more risk making films. Jeffrey Katzenberg and Michael Eisner would be proud!

All kidding aside, movie toys and all the other tie-ins like beach towels, furniture, apparel, posters, books, mouse-pads and computer games have truly changed the fortunes of many Hollywood filmmakers. In the process, they have upped the quality of toys being manufactured by catering to a more demanding and sophisticated audience. Yes, 6-year-olds have become connoisseurs of action figures.

Yet, when all is said and done, I believe that most kids are like Billy, Blake and Jordan Miller. Give ’em those originalStar Wars action figures and they’ll be more satisfied with those than the doll that wants to know if he makes you horny. After all, just like birth and death, everything goes around and comes back. Until next time, I’ll be going around and coming back to meet you right here in Pop Culture Collecting. Keep those cards and letters coming!

Courtesy of Pop Culture Collecting Magazine

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